Today, I want to get real about the reality of growing up. I’ve mentioned it before, the growing pains and struggles that come along with adulting.
At times, it sucks. And in the last 4 months especially, some of my greatest fears have come true. Not the Fear Factor eat a spider for a million dollars type fears, but rather the ones that force you to confront who you are as a person.
Too deep for a Tuesday? I hope not.
This post is one that I’ve probably needed to write for a while, but haven’t known exactly where to start. I’m diving in head first and hope we share about facing our fears together.
Fear#1: Getting rejected.
I think it’s safe to say that most living, thriving beings fear rejection. It feels crummy. It makes you question yourself, your personality and at times your worthiness. It’s not an easy thing to digest or process and if you let it, rejection can really hold you back.
The flip side of that? Every one will, at one point or another, be rejected. It’s almost as inevitable as failure, which is also guaranteed to almost everyone.
A few months ago, I got hit hard with a big rejection that I didn’t see coming at all. It’s one thing when you step up to the risk and get shot down (which still hurts). But when you’ve been even just semi-comfortably nestled in a situation that suddenly changes and leaves you shook, the bounce back is that much harder.
Over the past few months I’ve cried, questioned myself, blamed myself and gotten mad at myself and the person who rejected me. I’ve had great days where it doesn’t hit my radar and other days where it’s consumed entire weeks.
Anyone relate to this? I’m sure I’m not alone here.
Fear #2: Someone will do what I’m doing “better” than I ever could.
Stemming from feelings of rejection, inherently, come feelings of comparison. It bites like a mosquito, you might not see it coming but you feel the effects and are instantly annoyed by them.
When you start to question yourself and doubt your choices, you start to amplify the accomplishments of everyone else. And if you don’t nip it, you’ll definitely start to become envious. All while doing absolutely nothing to better or adjust your own situation.
Over the past few months, I’ve compared so many of my choices to those around me. From how quickly I get back to emails to the size of my apartment and even the direction the blog is going. I’ve been so focused with how things appear to others on the outside that how things translate internally has been a complete miss.
It’s taken a lot of shifting and checking myself to deal with this fear coming true. That other people are accomplishing things that I’m not, or are doing things in ways that I’m not. My daily reminder to stifle this fear is that things aren’t always as they seem, and the only person I have to do better than, is myself.
Fear #3: Feeling silly or embarrassed.
In the midst of getting rejected and constantly comparing myself, feeling a little or a lot embarrassed at times also became a frequent feeling. Whether I feel embarrassed for internalizing my others fears too much or think that someone else can see right through me and my facades, it’s all a bit unnerving.
Putting so much pressure on yourself to say, do and be all the right things is a surefire way to end up feeling embarrassed. Embarrassed that you failed, spoke out, cried or dared to be your transparent self in that moment. It happens.
While all of these fears have come true, and other fears will also start to come true, my biggest takeaway is that it’s all okay, even when I feel like it’s far from it. At the end of the day, I’m fine. I’m alive and honestly, despite the mood of this post, I am happy.
These fears and feelings come in stages and cycles as life goes on. You can’t beat them, so you might as well embrace them and accept them for what they are: a part of being human. No one is except from them. We are all navigating and doing the best we can while our fears come true on a daily basis. It the things that happen in between facing our fears that really count and show us who we are.
If any of your fears have come true lately, share your experience in the comments and let me know how you dealt with or are still dealing with them!